Celebration of Pork

Friends of mine earlier this week got the following invitation. We’ve spent the last few days getting a fire built the tools ready. The pig is currently on ice and awaiting an early morning visit from Jinksto. I’ll be up at 3am and to get the fire lit and the pig in close proximity to it. There’ll be about 30 or 40 people here tomorrow (counting kids) so it should turn into one heck of a get together.

In honor of your participation in voting in the November election and in protest of the resulting Stimulus plans, “tax cuts”, TARP’s, Omnibus bills and other General Waste and since we all seem to be so excited about pork lately, you are hereby invited to attend…

 

The First Annual

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where:

Jinksto’s House.  Check out this map and learn some of the detailed history of this fantastic area!  If you need assistance, give us a call at 704 827 XXXX

Map Removed 🙂
View Tommy’s House in a larger map

 

When:

This Saturday.  Cooking starts at about 4a.m. and concludes about 2p.m.  Savvy folks will recognize this as an all day event and will know their own JTF (Jinksto Tolerance Factor).    Subtract your JTF from the expected time of completion and arrive at or near then.

What:

Bring a covered dish if you like.  There will be Pork and Banana Pudding.  Other than that, I aint organizing nothin… Bring what you like and bring enough to share (cookin’s hungry work).  Other than that just bring yourself and your happy face.   If you think it’d be nice to bring a bottle of wine see rule 12.  If, on the other hand, you want to bring a bottle of wine for yourself please feel free.  Oh, and feel free to share.

Rules, Notes and For Your Safety items:

1. It is required that you have a good time.
   1. If you fail in this, leave.
2. There will be people who drink alcohol present.
   1. If that’s a problem for you then please ensure that it’s only a problem for you, don’t make it someone else’s problem.
   2. If you don’t wish to drink then don’t. 
   3. If you do drink be sane, see the next rule.
   4. If you’re old enough to drive and old enough to drink then you’re old enough to know not to do both at the same time.
   5. If you need a floor to sleep on,  that can be arranged.
   6. Rum and Vodka (and a few other things) are available on the bar. If you want some help yourself, I’m not a bartender.
      1. Oh, and don’t bother asking…. I didn’t invite anyone that I wouldn’t share Rum with.
   7. Beer… bring all you want!
      1. Drink all you bring or feel free to return home with it.
      2. Barring that feel free to add it to the stack of six month old beer that others have left here.  Or heck, just drink that!!
3. There will be children present.
   1. Remember that.  This is a family affair.  Don’t offend my family.
4. There will be republicans present. 
   1. If you’re not, that’s cool but do remember that you’re outnumbered.
   2. Also remember that we have guns, 4 acres of land and shovels
5. There will be a prayer before we eat.
   1. Feel free to pray to your own god if you don’t like ours.  Just don’t do it where we have to listen.
   2. If you don’t believe in God let us know and we’ll pray for you while we’re at it. 
   3. If you don’t wish to participate that’s fine too.  Just be quiet.
6. There will be a very large fire for the roasting of our porcine pal.
   1. It is the responsibility of EVERY adult to ensure that the kids stay safe.
   2. If it’s not your kid, you can yell at it anyway if it’s close  to the fire.
   3. If it’s REALLY close to the fire grab it by the ears and roll it down the hill..
   4. If your kid gets yelled at (or rolled down the hill), the proper response to someone else telling (or helping) your kid to move away from the fire is, “Thank You”
7. If someone offends you:
   1. Fix yourself a drink at the bar.
   2. If they offend you again then fix THEM a drink at the bar.
   3. Continue this cycle until either they stop are you forget why you went to the bar.
   4. Exception: If it was Jinksto just take the bottle and get over it.
8. There will be a Southern Cross Proudly flown.   
   1. If you think it’s racist, we’re sorry that you’ve been misinformed.
   2. If, on the other hand you ARE racist, just say something cool like, “Oh Hell Yeah!  Fly that banner brother!”.  This way we’ll know that you’re one of the sad lot that have trampled the proud tradition behind those colors and subverted them into your own dirty little world to the point that I have to go to all of the trouble to write these two rules.  You know what… on second thought, don’t even bother coming… it’s probably better if we don’t have to bury more than one body.
9. The music has been preselected for the comfort and enjoyment of all present.
   1. If you don’t like the selected music please feel free to complain to Jinksto loudly.
      1. Remember that we’ve left the feet attached to the pig to ensure even cooking and that Jinksto gets to pick who gets which piece.
         1. We’re glad you enjoy country music.
10. At some point there will be an exploration of the property for the kids.  Jinksto has a creek that’s perfect for wading in.  It’s about knee deep to a two year old.
    1. There’s Mud!!!!!!!!
    2. What I’m getting at is that you shouldn’t dress them in their “Sunday go to meetin’ clothes” unless you want your kid to be the one pouting on the side of the hill… you know, the one with the mean parents?
11. Eat all you can!  Leftovers suck!
12. If you absolutely must bring an alcoholic gift, it’s called “Captain Morgan Private Stock” and it’ll go on the bar where everyone can enjoy.
13. Jinksto gets to make up rules on the fly.
    1. But only Jinksto.

 

Most of these rules are made in Jest.  However, if there is anything at all that we can do to help or make your time with us more enjoyable just ask.  If you got invited it’s because we like you.  Have a Party.  Pass a good time.  Take pictures.