It’s only a problem if…

I had an issue with my computer this morning.  Nothing major.  Just one program that seemed to be hung and I needed it working.  I fixed it with the ubiquitous reboot but it got me to thinking about the relative troubleshooting procedure.

Here’s the way I think it works (this really is the procedure I followed):

The Geek Method:

• Realize that there’s a problem.
• Restart application and realize that the error still exists
• Open server application and check configuration options.
• Set “DEBUG” level in the server application as high as possible
• Set “DEBUG” level in the client application as high as possible
• Connect and catch the error message in the DEBUG log that relates to problem.
• Search Google for the error message to see if anyone else has had this problem and get a resolution.
• Realize that no one has had this problem before. 
• Search Google and find the source code for the application.
• Find the error message in the source code to see what’s generating it.
• Follow the program logic until you find the bug in the program.
• Fire off a quick note to the application developers with a description of the problem.  The Location of the bug in the source and a “recommended” fix.
• Reboot
• Write Blog post about it.

The Elderly Relative Method (female):

• Realize that there’s a problem.
• Install Yahoo and look for Geek nephew.
• Install MSN and look for Geek nephew.
• Call Geek nephew and tell him he should be  on the Internet so you can chat.
• Ask what Gchat is.
• Ask what “Google” is.
• Explain that you are really sure there’s a problem with your printer.
• Agree with Geek nephew that since you’re not trying to use the printer it’s probably not related.
• Explain that it’s probably another virus because that Norton thing is always popping up on you.
• While Geek nephew tries to fix problem from 900 miles away (see Geek Method) click randomly on the screen to take control of the remote desktop session.
• Apologize repeatedly for bothering Geek Nephew who is really busy. (at least 27 times)
• Disconnect remote desktop session while Geek Nephew is working because, “it’s not that important and I know you’re really busy”.
• At recommendation of Geek Nephew reboot
• Call friends to tell them that your Geek Nephew is smarter than their Geek Nephew.

The Elderly Relative Method (male):

• Explain to Geek Nephew that this used to work but stopped.
• Turn off computer.
• Go hoe beans.

The Non-Geek Brother Method:

• Explain to Geek Brother that this used to work but stopped so you unplugged the thing.
• Go work on truck.

The Wife Method:

• Explain to Geek Husband that you tried to get him to fix it for three weeks and that you finally just gave up…
• Reboot.
• Call sister to tell her that your Geek Husband is smarter than her Geek Husband anyway.